Suicide: A Rebirth

   It was the time of the post-COVID pandemic. The virus, which consists of only six letters in his name, and it shooked the world’s six continents. During the COVID pandemic, everyone around the world faced lots of problem. Some lost their loved ones to this virus, some lost their jobs, and the rest of us got caged inside our houses due to the fear of this virus. After almost a year, in the month of March, everyone in India started getting normal. The day was March 22^nd, and the summer season was showing its scorching heat in the Mumbai district. Our story also took place in Dharavi, which is a part of Mumbai. In Dharavi, there are large numbers of houses.

  And we get to see one of the houses. The house features a single room with an attached bathroom. The house was not as tidy; on the right-hand side of the house, we see five duffle bags, and on the same side of the wall, there were clothes handing in the wall hanger. On the left-hand side, we see a large window. At that time, we hear water splashing from inside the bathroom. As we enter the bathroom, we see Vishnu, a 22-year-old man. He was looking at the mirror of the house, and he was about... Vishnu, "mmrf mmrf," Hey Vishnu what happened, Vishnu, "Hey Ajay, I like to introduce myself. " Vishnu, what are you saying? I am the narrator for this story. Vishnu, "So what, it is my story Ajay and I just want to say my past life so that the readers can understand how I felt. After that, you can narrate the story." Ok, fine, the stage is yours.

   Vishnu, "Before juming into my past, I want to ask you one thing my dear readers? Have you ever been loser in your life? I think most of your answer will be yes only. I am also like you only. I am born loser, from my childhood only I'm not good at anything nor studies nor extra-curricular activities or at social relationship. I am a guy who likes to live in his dreams. And due to all this, my life was miserable. I was always compared with my elder brother. From my parents to my teachers, everyone advises me to try to be like my elder brother. Whenever I hear this, I want to tell all of them. How can you compare someone? Everyone is born with different abilities, and that’s a fact. Even I got envious of my brother, but what can he do in this? My parents also felt that I was useless. I didn’t care about it; I thought one day I would find my path, but later it was all a waste of time. After 10th grade, I decided to study an electrical course for a diploma. My father objected at first, but later he allowed me to pursue it. After I received my diploma, I started to find a job. In India, it is hard for a degree graduate to find a job, and then think, what will be my condition? I became job-less, as well as useless. My dad remained silent in my case until one fine day. My elder brother secured a job at one of the top MNC companies. That night, my mom started advising me. After hearing that, I got angry at my mom and started telling her how I had felt all these years. My dad, who was listening to me, thought I was raising my voice against my mom. He came near and gave a tight slap, and he started saying I am useless, dumb, duffer, etc. That night, I decided to run away from home, and I did it. Then I came to Mumbai, and my college friend helped me find a job here. Everything was okay until this COVID came, and my job was lost. During these days, I never try to contact my family members or them. After COVID, it became hard for me to find a job. After all this happened, I decided to end my life. I am tired of all of this. None of my closed ones realised how I was feeling. Also, it is wasteful for me to continue my life. That’s why I decided to end my life. Ajay, that’s all; you can continue your narration."

  With no source of rays of light in his life, he decided to end in darkness. With this thought, he came out of the house and decided to try his first plan. To buy a rat killer, thinking that no one will doubt him and that he will also end his life. When he came near the medical shop, his heart started pounding slightly faster in fear. He didn’t care about that; he was steady with his decision and continued the steps. As he reached the medical shop, he was greeted by the shop owner. The medical shop owner's name was Mahesh. They both know each other. Mahesh said, "Hi, Vishnu. How are you?" Vishnu replied, "I am fine Mahesh, bro, what about you?" Mahesh replied, "I am also; did you find any job, Vishnu?" Vishnu replied, "Nope, due to this COVID, it became more difficult to find a job." Mahesh then said, "Hmm, just wait for a few days I have a friend who works for an electrical company. I suggested your name to him. He will soon call you." After hearing it, Vishnu felt like a candle that had already lost its wax and someone trying light it. Vishnu then replied, "Thanks, Mahesh, bro, for your efforts. Mahesh, bro, do you have rat killer?" After hearing it, Mahesh was stunned for a minute, and he asked in a lower tone, "Rat killer?" Vishnu nodded his head in reply. Mahesh wasn’t able to utter any words. After seeing Mahesh's facial reaction, Vishnu thought the sheep shade that he had been wearing until now might be revealed.

  He then asked him, "Mahesh, bro, has anything happened?" Mahesh then replied, "Nothing; I just got carried away with something." Vishnu then asked him, "What is that?" Mahesh then started saying, "Two weeks ago, a guy came to our shop to buy a rat killer. I don’t know what his intention was, but by seeing his facial reaction, I could tell there was something wrong with him. I didn’t ask anything of him and gave him what he asked. After 4 days, I was coming from my friend’s house. While I was passing through Laxmi Chawl, I noticed a board. Where I saw the photo of that same guy along with his family members, and the board said that their funeral will take place at 12:30 p.m." After hearing that, Vishnu was shocked and asked, "Mahesh bro, did they all die?" Mahesh replied, "Yes, they all committed suicide, and they all died by consuming a rat killer. That made me quiet depressed." Vishnu then said, "But Mahesh, bro, there is nothing you need to worry about in it. It was that guy's decision." Mahesh then replied, "Vishnu, you are not getting the point; there is someone who is going to commit suicide in front of you. Will you try to save him?" After hearing it, Vishnu was stunned for a moment. His heart stopped for a second; he couldn’t utter a word.

  Seeing his facial reaction, Mahesh replied, "See, you couldn’t utter any word. Now you get my point. Fine, leave it as it was. I think the rat killer might be somewhere. Wait for a minute; I will search for it." After saying it, Mahesh started searching for that rat killer. After hearing all this, Vishnu realised how Mahesh felt about that incident. He started thinking, how will Mahesh react if he dies by consuming that rat killer that he is going to buy? He started praying inside that Mahesh shouldn’t find a rat killer now. After a lot of searching, Mahesh replied to him with disbelief, "Vishnu, I am not getting the rat killer right now. I think it might be somewhere." After hearing those words, Vishnu felt relief. Vishnu then replied, "Fine, bro, I will get somewhere." Mahesh then replied, "Hey Vishnu, use it cautiously." Vishnu nodded his head and left the shop. After coming some distance away from the medical shop, he stopped for a moment. It was like he was going to give up his suicidal decision. But as the phrase says, it is hard to change a broken soul from the way he has chosen. Vishnu decided to try his second plan, and he started heading there.

  For this, the location he chose was Matunga Hillock Fort. This hillock is located in the eastern part of Matunga and is situated at a height of 500 metres. And Vishnu decided to jump from the top of the hillock. When he reached the top of the fort, the top didn’t have much crowd. There were a group of three boys who were doing reels on Instagram and a security guard. By seeing this, Vishnu felt that this time he would succeed in his plan. He reached the edge of the fort and was about to jump. But before doing that, he slightly looked down from that height. The height was so high that he would definitely die from falling from such a height. By seeing such height, he got scared, and it stopped him from jumping. He thought of giving up the suicidal decision, but his bad memories surrounded his mind like a cloud, which made his decision jump from that point. He took a few steps back and took a deep breath. He was about to run and jump from that point. At that time, fate took a twist.

  At that time, Vishnu noticed one of the three boys who was performing for the reel stepping backwards without realising that he was about to fall from that high point. Vishnu first tried to warn him, but his voice didn’t get through to him. As he decided to approach him, that boy’s feet tumbled, and he was about to fall. Vishnu quickly rushed towards him and saved him. Vishnu rushed so quickly that he started taking a heavy breath, and the boy who was saved was frightened by it. That boy’s friend approached him, and then they greeted Vishnu for saving him. The watchman, who was watching this, quickly approached Vishnu. The watchman asked Vishnu, "Are you okay?" Vishnu replied, "Yes, I am okay," and then the watchman started shouting at those boys. The watchman said, "Didn’t I all tell you to not do reels here? Now you all see the consequence." One of them said sorry to him. The watchman replied, "What sorry. Will his parents be happy if he dies right now? I all warned..." As soon as Vishnu heard those words, ‘that will make his parents happy if he," Vishnu was stunned for a moment. Those words kept him from committing suicide. He also got frightened, due to which he left that place like a mouse.

  Vishnu left in a confused state. He failed for the second time; he didn’t know if he would succeed in his third attempt. But before trying that, Vishnu felt thirsty, so he came near a tea shop and started having tea. While he was having his tea, he overheard two people talking. One of them said, "Gautham, this is the third time we have heard about a suicidal case. I didn’t get anything. Why should these people commit suicide?" Gautham replied, "What was the thing you didn’t get in it, Varun? The first person who committed suicide was Karan, a student who was preparing for NEET. The second one was the family that committed homicide due to pressure from the moneylenders. The third one is our neighbour David, who died because he was tired of living his life. If you took all three of them, you would find one thing in common."

  Varun replied, "What is that?" Gautham then replied, "They all got feared, and at one stage they all went broken. They thought losing his life would end all their problems. Why should an 18-year-old boy decide to die? What made him?" Varun thought for a moment and replied, "There is pressure from parents and relatives to pass the examination at a higher rank." Gautham then said, "Exactly, people around us just want to know our marks only. They don’t want to know how much knowledge we have. They don’t want to know if we get equal education. Nothing; they all just need marks, and from that only they will judge someone. The result of this type of unbiased judgement is the death of Karan." Varun then asked, "What about the family who committed suicide?" Gautham replied, "Simple, just money. The family died due to the money they borrowed from someone." Varun felt angry at that moneylender, and he replied, "What type of person could be pressuring someone to this extent." Gautham replied, "Who knows that moneylenders might have faced the same problem?"

  Varun got confused and asked, "Wait, what are you saying?" Gautham then started saying, "The moneylender might also have bought from someone, or he might be facing some money issues." It could be anything." Varun then asked, "But still, I didn’t get how a whole family could commit homicide?" Gautham then replied, "Just think from your parents perspective: if you die, then the moneylender will ask whom to pay the money? It will be the child, and an additional reason for taking such a decision is fear of how people will look at us." Varun then replied, "Why should care about those who can’t understand your situation? Also, they borrowed only; what disrespect did they find in this?" Gautham then said, "Yes, but people feel that losing life is better than losing respect. What idiotic thinking! And David, bro," Varun interrupted him and started saying, "Don’t say anything, he studied well, got a good job, and made his parents proud. A perfect son, as society describes Hmm, but he didn’t like all this. He was tired of living this puppet life." Gautham replied, "A life where we are not living according to our will. Will you call that a life?" After hearing all this, Vishnu's mind went blank. He began to have a hunch that he was doing something incorrectly. He simply got up from his place and left that tea shop. Vishnu is now filled with silence from outside and inside. He came to his house, and he sat down in a knee-folded manner. The room was completely filled with silence; it was like a desert at dawn.

  In the meantime, Vishnu's anger started rising like a storm in the desert. Soon it reached his breaking point, and Vishnu shouted in anger. His eyes filled with tears, and he started saying, "Why is this happening? Why am I facing failure? I don’t even succeed in death." After saying this, he started crying. His eye drops were shedding from his eyes like drizzling rain. Like Muhammad of Ghazni, Vishnu didn’t stop here. He is about to make his last attempt. Cutting himself with a knife. He took a knife and kept it around his neck. Even though he was saved many times, the tragedies he faced forcing him to die. He even closed his eyes, in order to avoid fear. As he was about to slit his neck, he heard his phone start ringing.

  He got fed up this time; like a rising volcano, he was going to erupt lava. He took his phone and attended the call. Even though it is a robotic call, he is still going to show his wrath. But as soon as he heard that voice, his raging anger suddenly turned into a calming silence. One drop of eyedrop fell from his eyes. He took that knife away from his neck and replied to that voice, "Mom!" His mom then said, "How are you, Vishnu?" Vishnu replied, shedding tears, "I am fine, mom. What about you?" His mom replied, "I am also." There was silence between them. His mom then asked, "It’s been 2 years since you left the house. I know what made you leave that house. But still, this time, you didn’t have the thought to call us. I even thought you would call one day, but still." Vishnu then started saying, "Then what made you today? Just leave me; I am a loser guy for you all. You still have your elder son side by side with you." His mom then replied, "Yes, but I am a mother, and for me, both of you are the same. I might not have called you today either, but still, after seeing such a dream, It made me do it."

  Vishnu asked her, "What was that?" His mom started saying, "Around morning, I saw a dream where you were about to slit your neck with a knife." After hearing that, Vishnu was stunned for a moment. She further said, "I got disturbed by seeing such a scenario. Also, I started getting nervous about whether you were safe or not?" The knife he was holding until now felt from his darkness grip. He replied, "Sorry mom, I shouldn’t have done it." His mom then replied, "Okay, from now on, try to be in touch. Also, your father wants to talk to you. So I am handing over the phone to him." Vishnu was about to say, "Don’t do that," but his mom quickly handed over the phone to his dad. His dad said, "Hello Vishnu, how are you, Vishnu?" Vishnu replied with slight anger, "I am fine, dad; how about you?" His dad replied, "Hmm, I am also. I knew you were angry at me. But I am sorry for my act. I got the fear that you would be like this for your whole life. But I am happy now that you managed to sustain yourself in Mumbai on your own. Please forgive me, Vishnu." After hearing such words, the mountain of hatred that was inside him soon melted down like ice. His hatred vanished from his heart. He replied, "It’s okay, dad. I can understand." His dad then replied, "Vishnu, kindly take 10 days leave and come to the house."

  Vishnu was quiet and hesitated to reply. His father asked him, "What happened, Vishnu?" Vishnu replied slightly hesitatingly, "Dad, is that, I got terminated from my job." His dad asked in shock, "When did this happen?" He replied, "It happened six months ago," and his father got angry at him. He started saying, "Hey, then how are you sustaining in Mumbai? Okay, leave that. Are you using the same bank account that we opened for you?" He replied, "Yes, dad," and his father said, "Okay, I'm sending 8000 rupees to your account. Collect it and kindly come to the house within 2-3 days, okay?" Vishnu is getting hesitant to come home. He said, "But dad, it is like that." His father interrupted him and said, "Vishnu, I can understand what you are up to. But you've already proven yourself. Now come home; we will see what we do. Whatever it might be, I will support you." After hearing those words, Vishnu felt happier inside.

  A ray of light which was vanished again started paving the way in Vishnu’s life. He completely disowned the dark path and was born as a new person. We don’t know how his life is going to be. But I am damn sure he will find his own way and not going to resort to this suicide path. Also, there is one thing no one in this world is quiet happy. So, taking a suicidal decision is just pushing your dark life into more darker place. Instead, try to change your life according to your will.